* I've changed the blog address from www.sarahsworld.me back to the original (badly chosen, but I'm stuck with it) address of www.kiwikchat.blogspot.com .

This means that some links to older posts and old links from other sites don't work. :(

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Birds, The Bees and LargeDad.


The room is dark and warm for a change.   Usually it’s cold and I’m bundled up in all my winter woolies.  I think the air-con has broken down.  Bliss.

It’s very restful laying here, waiting for the doctor to come and put in the cannula.  But it’s been ages and she still hasn’t come.  I’m bored and while it’s nice that Large Dad is waiting to keep me company, he keeps falling asleep and snoring.  

Sgnooogh uggggg sgnooogh uggg uggg uggg

So I’ve started throwing all my spare winter woolies at him.  It’s a bit hit and miss in the dark, but to my under-stimulated mind, very amusing.

Bulls-eye, got him. 
He snorts and wakes up.

Large Dad: ‘what’s this?’  

He is draped in half a blanket, a scarf and has just copped a ski glove to the head.

Me: 'I’m feeling rested, do you want to chat?'

LargeDad: 'I suppose so.'

We both fall silent for a while.  Apparently the effort of throwing things has left me a little zonked.
The room seems darker and quieter. (well it would without the snoring)

LargeDad:  ‘So Sarah, I’ve got a question for you. What’s a brazilian?’

Suddenly I’m grinning like an idiot.  Oh, this is a good question.  You see, I have a very clearly defined opinion about brazilians.  

I take a deep breath.

Me: ‘Well it’s a modern day torture technique, which started in Brazil and has spread to all developed countries under the guise of beauty therapy.  It’s very sad, young girls are tricked into doing it by modern societal pressures.   Personally, I blame the porn industry for objectifying women.  And fashion magazines for pretending it’s normal.’

LargeDad is nonplussed:  ‘oh.... well, apparently your Mum wants one.'

Me: ‘Oh no, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.  What makes you say that?’

LargeDad: ‘Or maybe she wants me to get one?  I’m not sure.  What is it really?’

Me: ‘Removing all your pubic hair with wax.’

LargeDad: ‘Really you mean like, really, like pulling ALL the hair out?  With HOT wax?’

I imagine him scratching his head in the dark, trying to work out why anyone would do that.

Me: ‘yeah, every last hair. Totally insane isn’t it.’

LargeDad:  ‘She wants me to do that!’

Me:  ‘errr I don’t think so.  (too much information!)  Usually it’s just for girls.  There is a different name for boys.’

LargeDad:  ‘What? A Frenchman?’ 

And then the doctor comes in and saves me from having to explain a sack, crack and back wax to my Dad, in the dark.

*****

Later on at home, with Mum.

Me: ‘So, what did you mean when you told LargeDad that you want him to get a Brazilian’

Mum: 'What, a Brazilian, LargeDad?  Now where did he get that idea?'

She looks incredulous.  I breath a sigh of relief.
I can keep pretending that the stuff I don't want to know about my parents, doesn't happen.

Me: 'Well first he said you wanted one and I knew that wasn’t right so then he thought maybe you wanted him to get one.'

Mum: 'No way, what…oh wait.' 

She doubles over laughing.   It's a while before she can speak clearly.

***

It turns out that, somehow, at dinner with friends, the husbands started talking about how disobedient Australian women are (lets face it, we are) and decided that they should have got mail order brides. 

So naturally, the women tried to work out their own preferences for mail order spouses and the vote was unanimous.  They all wanted Brazilians.

As in Brazilian men.  With a capital B.

Like these ones.














Not the modern day torture technique by the same name.


16 comments:

  1. You are hysterical, thanks for the laugh

    ReplyDelete
  2. Smiling and laughing the whole way through. Love how you call him LargeDad, so cute. Thanks for the endorphins beautiful xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's becoming LargeDad in real life too. :) xx

      Delete
  3. Literally laughing out loud! Thanks Sarah. You have such a way with words...
    Kate H <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. I spend a lot of time in the bathroom due to my illness. The noises that come from there aren't usually ones of laughter. Reading this post made me laugh so loud my Dish heard me in the other room. This is not the first post of yours I felt immediately compelled to retell to him. Thank you for making us both laugh. And for the record, I too would like a Brazilian.
    ~Tosha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh there is nothing I like better than a bit of toilet humour to brighten the day. :) Thanks for your comment Tosha. (Brazilians do seem to be in demand lately). ;)

      Delete
  5. I love hearing about the openness, warmth and sense of humour in your family, Sarah. may the air-con be always off at the clinic!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Annie. Sadly they fixed the aircon, snow clothes are back on.

      Delete
  6. You have such a great spirit sweetpea.

    Loves you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haha...brightened up my day! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe, now that's a compliment coming from someone with bright turquoise hair :) (suits you btw).

      Delete