* I've changed the blog address from www.sarahsworld.me back to the original (badly chosen, but I'm stuck with it) address of www.kiwikchat.blogspot.com .

This means that some links to older posts and old links from other sites don't work. :(

Monday, March 21, 2011

Job opportunities for me/cfs sufferers.

Lying on the couch, bored and tired I started to think about the ridiculous amount of time I spend lying on the couch bored and tired.  I am sure there a lot of chronically ill peeps out there who feel the same way so I've been thinking of jobs we could do...

Here are some ways that I think we spoonies could be useful.

1. Movie reviews.  
We tend to watch a lot more movies than busy healthy people and therefore must be experts.

eg. I just finished watching 'Orlando' and before that 'Oscar and Lucinda' borrowed from the local library and am looking forward to watching 'Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf'.  I would never have watched these without extreme boredom.

I rate Orlando with **.5 stars.  I couldn't figure out if Tilda Swinton was more attractive as a boy or girl.
Oscar and Lucinda with *.5 stars because well, it's bloody stupid building a glass church in the Aussie sun.

Now to find someone who will pay for these tremendous insights...

2. Book reviews.
Obviously chronically ill people read a lot. Just don't expect us to read anything too complex. We simply can't hold it in our addled heads, but if you have a trashy chick lit or murder detective novel, we are the right people for the job. Audio books welome.

3. Nail care.  
We have plenty of time on our hands and get good at manicures.  We would be a great source of opinions for market research.  Send us your samples!

eg. I have learnt to avoid 'child resitant caps' after doing my nails.  What about 'manicure friendly caps'?

4. Ergonomic designs.
Beds, pillows, cushions, supports, chairs, car seats, recliners etc. We spend a lot of time sitting or horizontal and are uniquely positioned to give feedback and advice to designers in regard to practical comfort.  Again, send us your samples!

We also know lots of people who need them, and can provide a great selling pipeline to a lot of unemployed sick people to whom money is no an object.

eg. I recently misplaced my eye-mask and discovered that tying a scarf around your head does keep out the light but also makes it hot and hard to breathe. What about a eye-mask on a long lanyard tied to the bed so you can't misplace it?! Or an eye-mask with a phone app that can always point to it like a compass.

5. Phone queuing. 
 Who has time to wait on the line for hours to sort out technical computer problems or wait in customer queues for cheap flights?  We do! If you have a list of jobs that need sorting and no time to wait on the phone then, call us, your local me/cfs community.  We have the time and, given a comfy bed or recliner and a speaker phone we will be happy to wait on line on your behalf.

 A small fee is involved of course and we will need sufficient personal information to convincingly pretend to be you and if a payment is to be made, your credit card details. Totally secure of course.

 (I have a feeling this could be a real money maker).

6. Current affairs experts.  
As avid tv watchers both daytime and evening, we are really on top of the latest events, add constant twittering to the equation and well yes I believe the spoonie community can become current affairs experts.  Only downside is that retention due to brain fog may limit expertise to the immediate, keeping it very current.

Hmm well that's all for now.  I must admit this may not be an exhaustive list but it has left me exhausted.

What jobs opportunities do you see for us spoonies?

:) Sarah


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Midnight streaker.

Life is full of valuable lessons.  Here's one I learnt while working on boats.

At the time, Skipper Boyfriend and I were working on different boats which happened to be in the same port.  I would crash on his boat at night and return to mine for work in the morning.

One night I woke up terrified, somehow I knew, that the person next to me wasn't Skipper Boyfriend.

Fear, guilt and adrenalin raced through my body.

Who was it?  Was it a blood sucking vampire who had snuck in during the night? (if so was he cute?)  Was it a gross old man with lots of back and butt-hair?  What would Skipper Boyfriend say and where the hell was he?

I didn't want to wake up who or whatever was next to me, so I slowly and very quietly eased myself off bed and snuck out of the cabin.  I was silently panicking and desperately wanted to escape the boat as fast as possible.

But I needed something to wear.

It was summer and I'd fallen asleep in my birthday suit.

With my heart in my mouth, I tip-toed out past the other snoring crew members,  up to the fly bridge and to my goal, the clothes line.  I grabbed my bikini off the line and wiggled into it, ready to make my bid for freedom.

What I was planning to do after getting off the boat, I really don't know.

 As I reached over to pick up a towel, I happened to glance over at the neighbouring boat's back deck.

On this back deck there was a group of sunburned,  middle-aged men smoking and drinking.  They were at that bleary eyed, back slapping, tall stories part of the night.  Where everyone is talking loudly, someone is dribbling and no one is listening.

That's when I woke up.

I was sleep walking.

I'd done it before, but never to this extent.

Ducking down behind the helms-chair, I hid in the dark.

I stayed there motionless for a while, listening and waiting to return to my normal colour.   It didn't seem like I'd been spotted.  I then sort of commando crawled back to the flybridge ladder and slid downstairs, tip-toed back past the still snoring crew and to my cabin.

Once at the cabin, I was however, unable to completely shake off that feeling of intense unease.   Feeling silly and more than a little irrational, I snapped the light on and whipped the blanket off the bed.

No monsters, no vampires, no hairy old men with butt hair, just a very disgruntled and sleepy Skipper Boyfriend wondering what the hell I was doing waking him up at three o'clock in the morning.  And why was I dressed to go to the beach?

 It was a bit awkward.

Him: "what are you doing?"

Me: "Err, just checking that it's you and not someone else"

Him: "oh right...........            .... huh?"


***

So here's the valuable life lesson that no one ever thinks to mention:  if you are prone to sleep walking and you live in a boat or in shared accommodation, don't sleep naked, it won't end well.