Today I realised that, shock, horror, gasp, it’s been 6 months since I left work determined to get better and move back in with my parents.
Am I any better? I don't think so, I certainly can't do more than what I could 6 months ago but I haven't had as many crashes. I am basically no better or worse. The glass is half full or half empty depending on my point of view and how I feel. (some days I feel pretty thirsty!)
Living with symptoms:
I have however, learnt to pace properly, (really got the hang of it this last month) and while I can’t do more than I could 6 months ago, by doing less I have kept most of the nastier symptoms at bay (yes, goodbye to you vertigo, severe nausea, weird heavy/toxic body etc!) which leaves moderate nausea, fatigue and lymph node/throat pains, which are all things I can deal with.
Another lovely development during this time has been the slow settling into old friendships. I’ve been away a lot over the years and coming home sick was not easy, I thought ‘Who would want to see me? I’m no fun!’. Turns out there are some very special people who do still like catching up. J I can’t see my friends often but when I do I really cherish and appreciate them. You do learn the true value of people when your world collapses. (okay so not the Whole world, just My body).
Help from Unexpected sources:
It blows me away when people I haven’t even met before offer their help. One friend of a friend sent me a homemade yoga dvd she had done with me/cfs in mind and there are another few ladies who come once a week to practice alternative medicine on me. (which is so relaxing, I almost always fall into a coma after they leave).
I wonder if the healthy version of me would ever have been so helpful to someone I hadn't met.
Also the local uni is doing research on severely affected me/cfs sufferers and visiting 'us' at home to take blood samples and do a survey. I love knowing that there is a team of people nearby who are working on understanding this disease, I imagine them in white coats peering down microscopes and counting 'wrigglers'.
So on the whole I am feeling loved and looked after which is a really nice place to be. Thinking about the people who care about me and who I care about really helps in darker moments.
It’s a pretty bad day today, symptom wise, and I am finding that reading or tv (or blogging :/ ) makes me feel worse so I think I’ll head outside, lay in the sun and listen to an audio book.
I might be too ill to go anywhere or do anything, but by the end of winter I will have a killer tan!
Here's to the next six months... and learning to be happy with what I have each day.