* I've changed the blog address from www.sarahsworld.me back to the original (badly chosen, but I'm stuck with it) address of www.kiwikchat.blogspot.com .

This means that some links to older posts and old links from other sites don't work. :(

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Anger management

I saw red!  I wanted to help set up dinner for Mum’s 50th birthday party.

I wanted, no needed to light candles, make the table nice, mix the sangria, decorate the walls and prep the food. 

Entertaining and making people feel at home is what I did for a living for years on boats.  I used to run around like a mad thing (trying to look calm collected and relaxed) cooking 3 course dinners, serving cocktails and canap├ęs every night on board. 

So whenever Mum has people over, the little control freak inside of me is dying to bust out and take over (yes I admit it – there is a freaky little person inside me who still thinks she can do everything). 

My whole body was yearning to help out, I could see so many ways to make preparations better, easier and faster.

The same body however can’t actually do anything, it either  feels sick, tired, heavy and can hardly move without wanting to puke or feels fine and tries to trick me into doing too much, for which it will punish me with a weeks of feeling sick, tired, heavy and like puking.

So I tried to stay away, but I really HAD to light a few candles, move the decorations around and set up some nibbles before I finally caught myself in the act and sent the body back to my room. 

Once there I got mad, sad and angry.


Frustration welled up inside me and I had visions of smashing my chair through the glass door.  I wanted to break, smash and ruin something, I felt like stamping my feet and screaming at the top of my lungs.  

But I didn’t.

I calmly sat in my recliner, reclined the seat, eye patch on, ear plugs in, counted to 100, took deep breaths, spoke nicely to myself, thought of beautiful places, furry animals, inspiring people, practised EFT and thought of my happy place.  But still I was furious and seething inside.  Spontaneous combustion seemed imminent.

 Then I took off my ugg boots and threw them across the room as hard as I could at the concrete wall.  

grunt THUMP, grunt THUMP.

Sigh, relief.

And then my feet got cold….


  1. At least it was only the ugg boots. I take it out on myself. I was so angry that my lawn is so high that I attacked it with the mower myself. Not for long, but 30 seconds has been long enough to get pay back when I do it in anger. I still have my strength before the PEM sets in so if I get angry and even scrub a saucepan it is done with too much gusto and up the heart rate goes. I'm not always like this, just another stupid phase.

  2. Hi Zzrif,

    Thank for your comment :).
    It's funny what sets us off isn't it? Lawns, candles sometimes I just want to do the laundry or rearrange the furniture a little. I've been foiled by a saucepan too, it's just so satisfying to give something a good scrub it's hard to stop.

    I think the anger is bound to bubble up on and off for years while we are sick. PEM is a b&^%$.

    Take care and try not to take it out on yourself, you can borrow my ugg boots if you want.